Terminal: Can Imminent Death Teach Us about Everyday Living?

Life is a Terminal Disease: What's the Point? Short answer: You make the point!

My best friend was relating something that TD Jakes said in a sermon that resonated with her. She shared her connection with what the bishop said about that feeling, that experience that everything she loves dies, fades, or leaves. The bishop was speaking about Mary at the cross, I believe. He said, “She stood!” No matter what was going on in her world, with her son nailed to a cross in front of her, she stood.

I could see the impression the words made on my best friend. I could see the truth of her experience washing over her like waves of the Atlantic Ocean swelling and crashing with the force of each memory. It is what she said next that prompted this post.

She said, “I know much too early when things will end. Why can’t I know a day or two before instead of 10 years before it is over? Why do I have to know right away when I meet a person?” I responded with my typical engagement of her rhetorical question in the way that I am certain has secured our long-time friendship.

“Genius doesn’t apologize. You know because you are gifted to see where others cannot see. Your task is to enjoy the purpose while it lasts. Look for purpose, not permanency.”

We continued our conversation with as much consolation as challenge. My point is beyond discernment and relationships.

Perfection with You as Priority

Everyone seems to accept that no one is perfect, but few understand that the standard they are holding for themselves is perfection. I reject the politeness and benefit of the doubt that requires you to accept red flags as getting to know a person. Red flags are “disaster ahead” signs. “Wrong way” signs should not just be noted. You should immediately turn around!

Move out of those discussions in your evaluation of self and happiness. Let’s discuss the intentional deception that you are often faced with, the family that is supposed to love you, and the promises you were made by people in moments of their desire. You are not required to accept their offering to be perfect. The secret of life is to prioritize You while being LOVE and showing kindness. That kindness means letting them go when they leave. That love means never losing yourself whether they are present or whether they leave. Your love for yourself will not make everyone happy, but their happiness was never your responsibility in the first place.

Dealing with Loss

Loss and Abandonment are different. I know it doesn’t feel that way fundamentally, but you must mature into a difference if you ever want to cultivate happiness within. Abandonment has an element of intention to leave and a dereliction of duty. They knew they were tasked with staying. They left anyway. The lack of a satisfactory explanation likely made it worse. Even worse if they made the exit and their dereliction seem like it was your fault.

Loss, on the other hand, has no responsibility. Loss is about timing and season. If it was leaving, it was not willful or malicious. It was a matter of time.

Cultivating the difference is applying discernment to determine those who will abandon. The cheat sheet is insecurity. All those who are insecure will betray, disappoint, and abandon you. Their security is not your responsibility. It is a function of their self-love and ability to find solitude as good company, perfect rest, and a fertile growth substrate. Allow those insecure people to grow up before engaging them in relationships.

Accept that loss will occur in season. Focus on enjoying the time you have. Take no moment for granted. Love with abandon. Laugh loudly from your belly. Dance like the people watching need your expression to encourage them to join in. You will mourn the loss when it arrives. But your best experience then is the memory of how fully you loved, laughed, and danced. If you have any relationships that you would not reflect with joy upon, end them NOW! You’ve miscategorized them.

The Terminal Thought

Life itself is a terminal disease. Whether you have 70, 50, 30, or 10 years left, the question is the same. What will you do with the time you have left? I, for one, will not spend a moment of it worrying about what happened a minute before.

Maybe you will have the courage to repeat after me: