Importance of Autonomy-Connection in Romantic Relationships
It seems counterintuitive for a couple to maintain a sense of autonomy if you’re raised on the notion that “the two become one” in matrimony. Even with more and more people deciding not to get married, many are maintaining the thought pattern of losing themselves in the other person as they couple. This inclination is dangerous and does not support long-term successful coupling and satisfaction. As we see the disconnection occurring throughout society, it is vital that we retrain our understanding of personhood, autonomy, and social engagement beginning with how we see the most intimate coupling relationships. Without awareness here, we may miss the benefits, differences, and opportunities in other non-romantic relationships.
The concept of autonomy-connection in romantic relationships originates from the idea of ‘Autonomy-Connection Tension,’ an essential dialectical tension identified by the Relational Dialectics Theory (Baxter & Montgomery, 1996).
‘Autonomy’ represents an individual’s need for personal space, freedom, and independence within a relationship. It encompasses the ability of a person to make their own decisions and maintain separate interests, hobbies, and friendships outside the relationship.
In contrast, ‘Connection’ signifies the intimacy, closeness, and unity individuals seek in a relationship. It encompasses the sense of attachment and oneness with a partner.
Striking a balance between autonomy and connection is vital for the sustainability and well-being of romantic relationships. A healthy equilibrium allows couples to preserve their individual identities while fostering emotional intimacy. Overemphasis on autonomy risks emotional detachment, whereas an excessive focus on connection may lead to codependency and loss of individuality.
The COVID-19 pandemic unveiled the importance of this balance, as couples needed to reconcile isolation and social distancing requirements with their need for connection and closeness (Kellas, Johnson, Horstman, & Myers, 2021).
Importance of Distance Regulation in Couple Relationships
‘Distance regulation’ is a construct derived from Relationship Regulation Theory (Markey, Markey, & Gray, 2007). It entails the process in which partners adjust their emotional and physical closeness or distance to achieve a comfortable level of intimacy.
Couples often engage in a dance of closeness and distance, negotiating their togetherness and individuality. This negotiation encompasses time allocation for personal activities and shared experiences, determining physical boundaries, and balancing emotional self-disclosure with privacy.
Effective distance regulation supports relationship harmony, mutual satisfaction, and conflict management. As a dynamic process, it necessitates ongoing adaptation based on the couple’s evolving needs and changes in their relational and environmental context (Markey et al., 2007).
In conclusion, both autonomy-connection and distance regulation concepts underline the delicate interplay of togetherness and individuality in romantic relationships. These constructs emphasize the importance of acknowledging and valuing each partner’s needs for independence and closeness.
HELP: If you realize a need for Autonomy Development and Loving Yourself First, schedule a meeting with Dr. Michael A. Wright or connect with the LYF Training on edu.mawmedia.com a COACHMethod Intervention.
References
Baxter, L. A., & Montgomery, B. M. (1996). Relating: Dialogues and dialectics. Guilford Press.
Kellas, J., Johnson, A., Horstman, H., & Myers, S. (2021). The Communicated Perspective-Taking Rating System: Development and Validity Evidence. Communication Methods and Measures, 15(3), 217–234.
Markey, P. M., Markey, C. N., & Gray, H. F. (2007). Romantic relationships and health: An examination of individuals’ perceptions of their romantic partners’ influences on their health. Sex Roles, 57(5-6), 435-445.
