Control, Conformity, Coaxing, and Other Ways NOT to Raise a Child

Embracing a New Approach to Parenting

Situation/Challenge

Traditional parenting methods often involve control, conformity, and coaxing, which can stifle a child’s creativity, independence, and emotional growth. As parents and caregivers, we must recognize the limitations of these outdated approaches and explore alternative ways to raise confident, curious, and emotionally intelligent children.

Principle

The principle of this new approach to parenting is to shift from control and conformity to fostering an environment that encourages open communication, curiosity, and thoughtful decision-making. By focusing on the construction of healthy environments, nurturing curiosity, and coaching decision-making skills, we can empower our children to become well-rounded individuals capable of navigating life’s challenges with resilience and adaptability.

Pitfalls

When adopting this new parenting approach, it’s essential to be aware of potential pitfalls that may hinder our progress:

1. Resistance to change: It can be challenging to let go of familiar parenting methods, even when we recognize their shortcomings.
2. Overindulgence: Striking a balance between encouraging independence and curiosity and maintaining necessary boundaries is crucial to avoid overindulgence.
3. Inconsistency: Inconsistent application of this new approach can confuse children and undermine its effectiveness.

Unlearn

To embrace this new parenting approach, we must unlearn certain habits and beliefs, such as:

1. Authoritarian parenting: Let go of the belief that children must be controlled and conform to strict standards.
2. Fear of mistakes: Release the idea that mistakes are inherently bad, and instead, view them as opportunities for growth and learning.

Relearn

With a newfound understanding of the importance of fostering a nurturing environment, curiosity, and decision-making skills, we can relearn the following strategies:

From Control of Person to Construction of Environments

1. Create an environment of health and well-being: Ensure your child’s surroundings promote physical, mental, and emotional health.
2. Foster open and honest communication: Encourage your child to express their thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment or punishment.
3. Show time to be an asset to be used intentionally: Teach your child the value of time management and the importance of setting priorities.

From Conformity to Standards to Curiosity about Topics

1. Emphasize learning, asking, and seeking perspectives: Encourage your child to explore new ideas, ask questions, and seek diverse perspectives.
2. Encourage space for mistakes, experimentation, and reflection: Allow your child the freedom to make mistakes, experiment, and reflect on their experiences as part of the learning process.
3. Offer to demonstrate, participate, and show up to cheer: Be actively involved in your child’s learning journey, offering support, guidance, and encouragement.

From Coaxing to Do to Coaching about Decision Making

1. Show them how to create options: Teach your child to think critically and generate various solutions to problems.
2. Show them the possible outcomes of options: Help your child understand the potential consequences of different choices.
3. Show them how to influence outcomes: Empower your child to take responsibility for their decisions and actions, and guide them in learning how to shape outcomes positively.

Application

To apply this new approach to parenting in your daily life, practice the following steps:

1. Assess your current parenting methods and identify areas where control, conformity, and coaxing may be prevalent.
2. Implement the strategies discussed above, focusing on constructing healthy environments, nurturing curiosity, and coaching decision-making skills.
3. Be patient and consistent in your efforts, recognizing that change takes time and that setbacks are natural.
4. Regularly reflect on your progress and adjust your approach as needed to ensure continued growth and improvement.

By consistently applying this new parenting approach, we can raise children who are confident, curious, and capable of making thoughtful decisions. Embracing this alternative way of parenting not only benefits our children but also fosters a more loving, supportive, and fulfilling parent-child relationship.