A&B Conversation: How to See Clearly Through the Frustrations of Your Internal Dialogue
In this blog, we will discuss the internal dialogue between two perspectives that wrestle within You, person A and person B. Find healing and growth for person A through self-acceptance, gratitude, and will. Inform person B through structure, research, and experimentation. By understanding the dynamics between these two perspectives, you can learn to navigate your thoughts, emotions, and meaning in healthier ways.
The Inner Voices
Person A: The Realist Protector
- Traits: Careful, suspicious, anxious, indecisive, uncertain
- Role: Highlights the reality of the world and motivates discernment
Person A often expresses concerns and fears about the world, believing that nothing will work out because the world is a harsh place. In relationships, person A may feel unworthy of love due to past experiences with liars, betrayers, and abusers.
Don’t allow person A to tell person B that nothing will work out because the world is crap.
Person B: The Optimist Dreamer
- Traits: Hopeful, creative, future-oriented, free-spirited, forgiving
- Role: Highlights the opportunities within the individual and the need for self-development
Person B believes that we can create a world of our liking and that worrying about the negativity, scarcity, and depravity in the world is a waste of precious energy. Person B desires a better future but may be unsure of how to achieve it. Person B may struggle with discernment and informed decision-making.
Don’t allow person B to tell person A that your concerns are not valid because we can control the world in our image to our liking.
Typical Dialogue
Seek healing for person A primarily through self-acceptance, gratitude, and will. Inform person B through structure, research, and experimentation. When it comes to people, person a needs to release striving and comparison. When it comes to people, person B must learn discernment. In situations, person A must learn to always put their best forward as their only requirement. In situation, person B must learn the skill of informed decision-making.
For example, in a relationship person A says, “You can’t love me because I have experience liars, betrayers, and abusers even among blood relatives who were supposed to hold me dear. You can’t give me something that they didn’t because I am not any different and therefore not worthy of better treatment.”
Person B says, I desire something better for myself and believe I can get there, but I’m not there yet. Also, I’m unsure how to get there or how to confirm that I’ve arrived once I reach that state.”
Person A returns to confirm Person B. “You’re right, and that’s confirmation that we are not worthy of anything and therefore, the other person’s intention and their truth don’t matter. They are to be feared and rejected before they find out and reject us.”
Person B comes back to say, “Yes! Because even if someone does love you in one moment, they can stop loving you because all those possibilities are on the table. Even if they pour into you, they can stop or hold it against you. People change their minds. No one does something for nothing. Even if we benefit now, the law of averages says we will lose eventually.”
The problem with this is that it’s largely true, accepting the perspective of person A and person B, as well as acknowledging how they build upon one another. It is confirmation bias at its finest. Because the dialogue is logical and sequential, you dismiss their fallacies and just assume that what you are saying is true. It is one way to interpret your past experiences. Because it has merit, you allow it to drive the narrative. It may also be a self-fulfilling prophecy. Because your behaviors flow from your perspective and interpretations, your best hesitates to shine and your confidence is diminished.
Yet, it is ONLY largely true! A difference in perspective would change the narrative completely. Person A is right about the experience, but not about the future. Person A doesn’t get to predict the future. Person B is where the future lives in Desire and Hope. But that doesn’t mean that Person B gets to dismiss safeguards, discernment, confirmation of the intentions, motives, and behaviors of the individual being evaluated for potential partnership.
The Healing Dialogue
The healing dialogue is a spiritual and emotional conversation between person A and person B with the purpose of energizing each other’s strengths for informed decision-making and faith in action. In a healing dialogue, person A would provide the motivation for engaging in discernment, while person B would affirm the multiple variables to be considered when evaluating trust in others. Person B would also provide motivation for self-improvement and self-development, not only for the sake of a new relationship but also for better health, sobriety, and satisfaction in the individual.
In short person A highlights the reality of the world and motivates discernment. Person B highlights the opportunities within the individual and the need for self-development to take advantage of those opportunities.
Moving Forward
So, yes, you’ve had trauma, and that trauma has made you careful. But you also have a dream of what you want your life to be. That should not be discarded in the name of safety. You can figure out how to make that dream a reality in a way that is sustainable, consistent, and satisfying. It may require you to drop certain people without explanation, not giving them a chance to convince you through rhetoric rather than behavior. Allow their actions to speak louder than their words. Require them to be consistent. But if they are, build the reality that you want to see. If they’re not, be willing to let them go. Let them go, not your dreams.
To integrate these perspectives and find healing, we must answer two questions in parallel throughout our lifetime:
- How is your healing going?
- What do you want your life to be?
By addressing these questions, we can learn to balance the need for discernment with the desire for a fulfilling life. We can also learn to let go of people who do not align with our dreams, allowing their actions to speak louder than their words and requiring consistency from them.
Conclusion
If you need help dealing with your trauma, consider finding a therapist through psychologytoday.com. If you want to figure out how to make your dreams a reality, contact Dr. Michael A. Wright at MAWMedia Group. By understanding the dynamics between person A and person B, we can learn to navigate our thoughts and emotions in a healthier way, ultimately leading to a more fulfilling life.
