I Should Not Need to Be Your Everything: The Importance of Autonomy in Relationships
Romantic relationships bring together two separate individuals who appreciate each other’s presence and celebrate their bond. However, it is crucial to understand that personal happiness and relationship satisfaction derive from self-appreciation and growth, rather than seeking validation or entertainment from the partner (Deci & Ryan, 2000). Each partner’s autonomy and personal growth can nurture a balanced and mutually satisfying relationship where both partners complement each other, instead of aiming to become the other’s entire world.
Self-Value and Personal Growth: Foundations of a Healthy Relationship
Research in the realm of Self-Determination Theory highlights that individuals with high levels of autonomy are often associated with better-quality relationships and engage more in pro-relationship behaviors (Patrick, Knee, Canevello, & Lonsbary, 2007). A robust sense of self-worth allows people to bring unique, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual gifts into their relationships. Moreover, personal growth through learning new skills and passions allows them to continue evolving and growing throughout life.
Aspects like preserving one’s unique identity, seeking growth opportunities, and maintaining confidence play a crucial role in achieving a fulfilling life and building satisfying relationships.
Fueling Your Life with Inspiration and Intrigue
Creating a life filled with inspiration, curiosity, meaningful experiences, and self-worth not only uplifts one’s life but also benefits the shared couple relationship. Cultivating diverse interests, pursuing creative endeavors, and forging meaningful connections with others enriches your life and offers appealing elements in the relationship.
Recognizing the Importance of Autonomy in Romantic Relationships
The importance of autonomy–connection in romantic relationships was strongly highlighted during the COVID-19 pandemic (Kellas, Johnson, Horstman, & Myers, 2021). Achieving an appropriate balance between autonomy and connection is central to couple dynamics, emphasizing the significance of effective distance regulation (Markey, Markey, & Gray, 2007). Additionally, maintaining autonomy and flexibility in life management, including financial matters, is a significant reason why young adults may prefer being single over engaging in a romantic relationship (Vasilenko, Maas, & Lefkowitz, 2015).
These insights underscore the essential balance in nurturing individual growth and respecting each other’s autonomy while maintaining a connection within romantic relationships.
Conclusion
Ultimately, a thriving relationship is not about creating dependencies but about merging two separate, autonomous lives. A lasting and healthy relationship underscores the value self-valued individuals bring into the relationship, the importance of maintaining autonomy, and the worth of mutual contributions. By promoting personal growth, exploring new horizons, and creating meaningful experiences, each partner can enrich the shared life while preserving their independence, and fostering harmonious, balanced, and resilient relationships.
HELP: If you realize a need for Autonomy Development and Loving Yourself First, schedule a meeting with Dr. Michael A. Wright or connect with the LYF Training on edu.mawmedia.com a COACHMethod Intervention.
References
Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (2000). The “what” and “why” of goal pursuits: Human needs and the self-determination of behavior. Psychological Inquiry, 11(4), 227-268.
Patrick, H., Knee, C. R., Canevello, A., & Lonsbary, C. (2007). The role of need fulfillment in relationship functioning and well-being: A self-determination theory perspective. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 92(3), 434–457.
Kellas, J., Johnson, A., Horstman, H., & Myers, S. (2021). The Communicated Perspective-Taking Rating System: Development and Validity Evidence. Communication Methods and Measures, 15(3), 217–234.
Markey, P. M., Markey, C. N., & Gray, H. F. (2007). Romantic relationships and health: An examination of individuals’ perceptions of their romantic partners’ influences on their health. Sex Roles, 57(5-6), 435-445.
Vasilenko, S. A., Maas, M. K., & Lefkowitz, E. S. (2015). “His” and “her” relationships? The role of positive and negative relationships in men’s and women’s sexual behavior. Journal of Adolescence, 41, 147-158.
