Hipping Through Life 17: Evolving Hesitancy
Hello!!! Yes, I’m back! As my fingers glide across this keyboard, I realize the last entry to my HTL family was back in December 2017. Where have I been? Well, most of you all know I have been on a journey since my Mom passed. During grief counseling which I attended for a year, I realized I wasn’t surviving the loss well at all. I began searching for a job and nothing felt right about it. I am thankful that prayer had created a heart and mind solidarity regarding making big decisions, and one wasn’t cooperating without the other.
Standing in the kitchen one day, as you see I still can’t refer to it as “my kitchen,” I looked towards the heavens and asked, “what do I do?” With tears of frustration ready to fall, I worked diligently to not be extremely critical on myself for once again feeling like a failure. I had received an email from my university about a new program called the Executive Master of Business Administration. The program was for the working adult to be completed in a year. I inquired about it.
I missed the deadline to apply; once again, I was hesitant in my decision. I emailed the Director of the College of Business and informed him that I would not get to attend the class. He informed me that I had not followed his instructions, he said “go back and read his email then submit everything because “you have enough time.” Even though I was hesitant, I did as I was told. I blinked and the next thing I knew I was sitting in student orientation. All of this happened in 1 week.
The program was more than books and learning. I met 20 other people who were different; but the same in dedication, desire, and ambition. We had to be crazy to go into this program and finish in a year. We knew if we failed, it was no one’s fault but ours. Through study groups, we became family, friends, we didn’t always agree; which is natural; still, we realized we were forever linked for being the “first inaugural class of the EMBA program”.
Reminders & Hesitancy
I was reminded again that I was smart, bright, articulate and that my brain still ticked. We all desired to share our knowledge as well as gaining the desired respect of hard-working, sleep-deprived professionals. This opportunity took me to Japan on a Global Immersion expanding our horizons and cultural appetite. It reminded me that I know how to travel with or without someone by my side.
Traveling abroad taught me there is no time for hesitancy. Hesitating, I could miss the plane, the train, the sights, the sounds, and yes, even earthquakes. I evolved in that doubt never crept in. I evolved in that I never admitted that I was worried my hip would give out on top of the multiple steps to the hydrangea garden and statues on our tours.
Ever before touchdown back in the United States, I began planning the next trip to be stamped on my new passport. I was hesitant to admit that I had been my worst enemy again. I felt free for the first time in a long time. The freedom was simply a change in routine which affects one’s thought process and routine.
This is Now
That was in June. I’m on to the next part of evolving now. Have I caught myself hesitating? Yes. So, I sat down to share with you all that special time; I needed to remember that I’ve evolved past my past. I’m changing. I won’t try to sing a verse like Jennifer Holiday or Jennifer Hudson in Dream Girls to express it; I’m not about hurting your ears; but, the fact is, I’m sure I lost opportunities hesitating. I had to open my mind and eyes to stop hesitating and accept that all I’ve been through is part of my story still being written and it’s okay. It’s not easy to stop hesitating and you do have to discern if the situation is right for you. I love sharing my “evolvement” because I was so busy worrying and hesitating I almost missed the opportunity to grow.
So, please remember, when a good opportunity arises, and you know it’s for you, go for it. Don’t hesitate, you may miss your chance to evolve and change for the better. Yes, I climbed several flights of steps during our tours and guess what? I didn’t hesitate, my hip made it because I evolved enough to go for it! oh, and, with a little help from Advil.
Janet E. Blakemore
Janet is a former full-figure model, former director of a modeling school, retiree from TN State Government, and an awesome, vibrant spirit of a person. In addition to writing, Janet is an entrepreneur who enjoys retail therapy, being a Tennessee State University alum, and time with her adult daughter.